I have grappled many times with the reality of growing up without a mother's love. Being thrust into the role of her remote "responsible person" has opened it all up again. It's like navigating a labyrinth, and each time I feel like I'm getting a little closer to the core, but I'm not there yet. But at least I'm walking it. I know that at 93 she's never going to change, and the only person I can change is myself. I wish my sister knew that.
I think neglectful or abusive or otherwise messed up parents consciously and/or unconsciously cultivate loyalties in their children. It’s makes it harder and sometimes even dangerous for their children and themselves to confront the truth about their parenting. Frequently, sibling rivalries are not about the siblings much at all. They’re groomed to be soldiers for denial. To break from that role can be as terrifying as it is freeing. Sometimes even more so.
Good for you Susan. And on Independence Day weekend no less.
Once again your courage is my challenge, Susan; you bring to mind a song I haven’t played in decades by a writer whose lyrics are, like your words, deceptively simple and deeply soul-searching. Thank you, and may the wellspring of love you’ve both worked to unblock on behalf of your grandniece fill your cups to overflowing.
Christopher, maybe a little off topic but what you said about Susan’s writing. Plus that song comes from one of the great live performance recordings ever. Bill Wither’s simplicity was transcendent.
I have grappled many times with the reality of growing up without a mother's love. Being thrust into the role of her remote "responsible person" has opened it all up again. It's like navigating a labyrinth, and each time I feel like I'm getting a little closer to the core, but I'm not there yet. But at least I'm walking it. I know that at 93 she's never going to change, and the only person I can change is myself. I wish my sister knew that.
That’s the mantra, isn’t it? I love you, Sharon, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about that.
I think neglectful or abusive or otherwise messed up parents consciously and/or unconsciously cultivate loyalties in their children. It’s makes it harder and sometimes even dangerous for their children and themselves to confront the truth about their parenting. Frequently, sibling rivalries are not about the siblings much at all. They’re groomed to be soldiers for denial. To break from that role can be as terrifying as it is freeing. Sometimes even more so.
Good for you Susan. And on Independence Day weekend no less.
Well, there does come a time. As my brother says, we’re in our 60s. At this point, I can’t even remember the argument.
I salute your courage and daring gentleness, and that of your brother.
Thank you. It’s gone on too long.
I think it's fantastic (meaning marvelously good) that you're both finding something of value on the other side.
Ha ha, very familiar except among the 8 of us siblings when the fight was over it was over until next time!
I think I just decided to throw in the towel. The fight is over.
I love this. It sounds like things need to be rewritten. After a lot of lost battles, you guys finally did win the war.
Once again your courage is my challenge, Susan; you bring to mind a song I haven’t played in decades by a writer whose lyrics are, like your words, deceptively simple and deeply soul-searching. Thank you, and may the wellspring of love you’ve both worked to unblock on behalf of your grandniece fill your cups to overflowing.
https://youtu.be/SVQTzmUtrq0
Thank you.
Christopher, maybe a little off topic but what you said about Susan’s writing. Plus that song comes from one of the great live performance recordings ever. Bill Wither’s simplicity was transcendent.
Yes; my three favorite Carnegie Hall concerts are Bill Withers, Pete Seeger & Family, and Lenny Bruce. All very insightful and soul-provoking.
very powerful piece