The four stages of getting kicked off Twitter

I am outta Twitmo, where the water tasted funny.

Early Saturday, the GOP tweeted this:

There exists no legitimate reason to respond to this — none whatsoever, but the GOP is egregious about churning out nonsense, so I responded. I said this:

And within minutes, this happened:

For my crimes, Twitter gave me 12 hours off, so I went and had breakfast.

You see, this is not my first rodeo. I have spent loads of time in Twitmo. The first time it happened, I was (1) horrified, as if Twitter’s algorithm looked into my soul and I was found wanting. I hoped no one would notice which is kind of sad because no one did. I do not have the kind of Twitter footprint where it matters if I’m kicked off for 12 hours or 12 days. My first stint in Twitmo was more humbling than anything.

The second time it happened, Donald J. Trump Jr. said something stupid and again, no one needed me to weigh in, but I did. I quoted a Missouri insult that goes something along the lines of: If your brain got cut in half and laid on the edge of a razor blade, it’d look like a BB rolling down a four-lane highway. For that, I was kicked off because according to Twitter, I advocated self-harm. I (2) argued the point and if I remember correctly, I had a few days shaved off my sentence. My tweet in no way suggested someone cut their brain in half. That would be dumb, messy, and pretty impossible, from what I understand of surgery.

Along about the fourth time, I (3) got sad that I was so misunderstood. I can certainly be blunt but I’d never ever ever ever ever tell someone to hurt him/her/theirself.

By the sixth time, I (4) accepted the ruling and stopped fighting.

Here’s something I didn’t do: I didn’t cry censorship. I didn’t spread the word on other social media platforms that Twitter had denied me my First Amendment rights, even though Twitter, itself, says their algorithms favor conservatives. Nope. I had breakfast and returned later. Because I’m a grownup. With a foul mouth. But a grownup.

Happy Monday.