Thank you. When I get into that conviction that I am a waste of space, that I should just go--combination of 40 plus years of disabling pain, poverty and aging-- I learned to do two things: call my therapist and start writing the names of every person I love. Not worrying about who loves me. No. You don't love a lot of peope without involvement in life. It is hard--brutally so. My therapist helps me recognize that ending my life does not equal selflessness. Not even close. Anyway, you are so spot on right. I have lost my daughter and nephew and mom to self-destruction. Thank you thank you. I think many are in a dark place as we leave isolation, or try to. I have been writing my list. Dang it all, you're on it.
Oh, Jeanette. I am so honored to be on your list. You are one of the most honest people I know, and that's saying a lot (I mostly only hang out with honest people).
I'm so sorry you lost your friend in this way, Susan. It's so awful. I'm so glad you made a different choice years ago and got help. You're one of my favorite people. Take care of yourself.
Thank you for this. Losing friends and family who end their own lives suddenly - is crushing. Life changing. And I don’t think the emotional searching of those left behind is ever finished. Literally last night a friend and I were reviewing the death of a friend, 9 years ago this week. We are still so sad. I guess sometimes people just can’t be here anymore. And yes, it’s their choice. But I’ll mourn - while trying to celebrate them- forever.
I am so sorry Susan. It is so hard to understand. I love Lucinda Williams' song about it--undoubtedly you've heard it--she wrote it to help her get through the death of a good friend.
I'm very sorry for your loss and the pain it brings. I hope that, on some level, your friend's memory will be a blessing that brings you peace.
Recently a former student of mine - still in high school - decided to end his life. Over the years, there have been almost three dozen funerals for students - most were not accidents as some completed suicide, some took their lives over time with alcohol or drugs. Eventually it hit me that only the accidents were really as sudden as they seemed.
I absolutely agree it's critical to provide numbers to call, ways to get help - and yes, there's a "but" in this thought: But... some see only darkness and just can't see any path back into light. We're crushed because we wish we could have helped, that the person had reached out for help. What, then, can we do? I think we can only look forward and consider the need to mean it when we say "How are you?", to really listen, to extend kindness, no matter how small we think the gesture is, to watch for tiny changes - to be there before that darkness is so complete we can't help. It would be arrogant to think situations are always about us or that we can always make a difference:. It's not and we can't. We won't always even know that we made that difference, but we will know if we always try.
Sending love to you and to all who are in pain from the loss of your friend. It’s my current practice when I go to bed at night to lie there and imagine all who have loved me or ever will, and all the angels who gather here. 💕
Many years ago I lost a much-loved uncle to suicide, and no one told me until the next time I went back to visit. My family is funny that way. The business his father had handed down to him was failing and he couldn't face it. That, at least, was the story my aunt told me. I don't know what else might have been going on, but to have one's identity wrapped up in one's job is not entirely foreign to me.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, and so glad that you did not give in to despair when you had to face it.
Thank you. I am, too. I'm so sorry for your loss of your uncle. The suicides in my background generally were pretty public (made the news) so there was no pretending.
988 is the number that should be posted everywhere....these are dark times and too many are on the verge of ending it....
Absolutely. Thank you.
Thank you. When I get into that conviction that I am a waste of space, that I should just go--combination of 40 plus years of disabling pain, poverty and aging-- I learned to do two things: call my therapist and start writing the names of every person I love. Not worrying about who loves me. No. You don't love a lot of peope without involvement in life. It is hard--brutally so. My therapist helps me recognize that ending my life does not equal selflessness. Not even close. Anyway, you are so spot on right. I have lost my daughter and nephew and mom to self-destruction. Thank you thank you. I think many are in a dark place as we leave isolation, or try to. I have been writing my list. Dang it all, you're on it.
Oh, Jeanette. I am so honored to be on your list. You are one of the most honest people I know, and that's saying a lot (I mostly only hang out with honest people).
The saddest and hardest to watch are the ones that do it every day with drug and alcohol abuse
Watching someone kill themself physically and mentally more and more with each passing day is a pain that is felt by everyone around them
And if they were thinking straight, they'd see the hurt they are doing.
Sometimes a hug is a hug. Here’s mine to you, my dear friend. If ever.
Backatcha. A hug bad, and if ever.
Ah, my condolences to you. This is a tough one. Stay well.
Thank you.
Oh, Susan. I am so very sorry for your loss, which really is a loss for us all. Thank you for this critically important post.
Sending love to you!
Thank you, friend.
I am so very sorry for your loss, and the world's.
He was a good man.
I'm so sorry you lost your friend in this way, Susan. It's so awful. I'm so glad you made a different choice years ago and got help. You're one of my favorite people. Take care of yourself.
Backatcha. You are one of MY favorite people. MWAH.
Thank you for this. Losing friends and family who end their own lives suddenly - is crushing. Life changing. And I don’t think the emotional searching of those left behind is ever finished. Literally last night a friend and I were reviewing the death of a friend, 9 years ago this week. We are still so sad. I guess sometimes people just can’t be here anymore. And yes, it’s their choice. But I’ll mourn - while trying to celebrate them- forever.
I am so sorry for your loss. It's their choice, yes. But damn.
Exactly right. Sigh.
(Ps. That Lucina Williams song is very sweet. Though sad. )
I am so sorry Susan. It is so hard to understand. I love Lucinda Williams' song about it--undoubtedly you've heard it--she wrote it to help her get through the death of a good friend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0KuZZZjR_M
I'd forgotten this song and thank you for posting it. This got me through a couple of dark times of my own. And now it will do so again.
I'm very sorry for your loss and the pain it brings. I hope that, on some level, your friend's memory will be a blessing that brings you peace.
Recently a former student of mine - still in high school - decided to end his life. Over the years, there have been almost three dozen funerals for students - most were not accidents as some completed suicide, some took their lives over time with alcohol or drugs. Eventually it hit me that only the accidents were really as sudden as they seemed.
I absolutely agree it's critical to provide numbers to call, ways to get help - and yes, there's a "but" in this thought: But... some see only darkness and just can't see any path back into light. We're crushed because we wish we could have helped, that the person had reached out for help. What, then, can we do? I think we can only look forward and consider the need to mean it when we say "How are you?", to really listen, to extend kindness, no matter how small we think the gesture is, to watch for tiny changes - to be there before that darkness is so complete we can't help. It would be arrogant to think situations are always about us or that we can always make a difference:. It's not and we can't. We won't always even know that we made that difference, but we will know if we always try.
Absolutely true. All of it. Thank you.
Sending love to you and to all who are in pain from the loss of your friend. It’s my current practice when I go to bed at night to lie there and imagine all who have loved me or ever will, and all the angels who gather here. 💕
That’s beautiful.
A lyric from the James Hunter song “ Hold On”.
“This world is harder than ever
Even I know that’s true
But tell me how much better
Would it be for losing you”
Thank you.
Many years ago I lost a much-loved uncle to suicide, and no one told me until the next time I went back to visit. My family is funny that way. The business his father had handed down to him was failing and he couldn't face it. That, at least, was the story my aunt told me. I don't know what else might have been going on, but to have one's identity wrapped up in one's job is not entirely foreign to me.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, and so glad that you did not give in to despair when you had to face it.
Thank you. I am, too. I'm so sorry for your loss of your uncle. The suicides in my background generally were pretty public (made the news) so there was no pretending.