So help a lying liar out: Write him a resignation speech without using as an excuse that the soon-to-be-former representative needs to spend more time with his family.
It is with heavy heart and superior brain , that , as the leader of the international federation of galactic empires , I must announce my departure from congress
Despite the overwhelming support from every being on this planet , including my detractors , more pressing universal problems have lead me to this decision
As I prepare for my journey to a galaxy far , far away , I would like to take this time to reflect upon my short but unbelievably awe inspiring experience as the most awarded person on the third rock from the sun
Although time and space , pun intended , precludes me from listing all of my insanely amazing accomplishments , the ones that I take the most pride in include
1 Ending world hunger
2 Bringing world peace
3 Eradicating cancer , diabetes , blindness and erectile dysfunction
4 Leading the New York Yankees , Mets , Giants , Jets , Knicks , Rangers and the Brooklyn Nets to the world championship all in the same season
5 Making a trip to the DMV an enjoyable experience
I beg each and every earthling to make my soon to be departure a less painful experience to all by donating to my go fund me page in order to fuel my shuttlecraft so that I may rendezvous with the USS Enterprise
Live long and prosper
Sincerely
George Klactos Baronious Santos Esquire the Third
P S I am leaving a body double to replace me in congress
Dear Speaker McCarthy, despite the support of my loving wife Esperanza and my husband Preston, also loving, I must tender my resignation as a member of Congress. It seems Mr Speaker that you and I will not realize our dream of working together to invent the internets. I feel I must join the Trump Brigade fighting in the Ukraine for the freedom of all Russian peoples. Since the disastrous fall of the ruble, Elon and I have seen our business falter and our hopes of purchasing Greenland dashed. I feel the only way to earn my way back to Davos is to begin rebuilding Kyiv as the city of Manafort, Capitol of Greater South Russia. Farewell and in the words of Madison Cawthorn, “Thanks for the cocaine!”
As a lying, liar who lies, I cannot string lie after lie in this job like I could in the good old days when I just wanted votes. I must break free and resign, so I can once again follow my passion for making stuff up. I know you'll miss me. Good thing I have photos of each of you and our special times together. Don't ever forget that....I mean me.
P.S. I have a new job lined up as a photoshop expert.
First and foremost, I want to apologize for the way I have handled the situation with the Mongoose. I admit that my anger got the better of me and I did not handle the situation in the best way possible. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and that was not fair to anyone, especially the Mongoose.
However, I cannot continue working under these conditions. I have been working here for too long and I deserve better.
I had hoped to be among you for more than thirty-three years-- unlike the ascetics, I really do love the bread, the wine, the grain, the fish-- but I feel sure your understand that given the crucifixion I am suffering, it is time for me to rise.
Pope Francis asked me to succeed him, but I feel that popping cannot give enough scope for my talents. I will therefore engage fully with the apotheosis that has been gathering within me and soon will shine forth to an entire needy world.
I know how you will miss my fleshly presence-- the feasting, the teaching-- but be comforted: I leave with you the Paraclete Marjorie Taylor Greene.
To the mere mortals of earth
It is with heavy heart and superior brain , that , as the leader of the international federation of galactic empires , I must announce my departure from congress
Despite the overwhelming support from every being on this planet , including my detractors , more pressing universal problems have lead me to this decision
As I prepare for my journey to a galaxy far , far away , I would like to take this time to reflect upon my short but unbelievably awe inspiring experience as the most awarded person on the third rock from the sun
Although time and space , pun intended , precludes me from listing all of my insanely amazing accomplishments , the ones that I take the most pride in include
1 Ending world hunger
2 Bringing world peace
3 Eradicating cancer , diabetes , blindness and erectile dysfunction
4 Leading the New York Yankees , Mets , Giants , Jets , Knicks , Rangers and the Brooklyn Nets to the world championship all in the same season
5 Making a trip to the DMV an enjoyable experience
I beg each and every earthling to make my soon to be departure a less painful experience to all by donating to my go fund me page in order to fuel my shuttlecraft so that I may rendezvous with the USS Enterprise
Live long and prosper
Sincerely
George Klactos Baronious Santos Esquire the Third
P S I am leaving a body double to replace me in congress
I laughed. Thank you.
I regret not using the words modest , humble and unpretentious
Because they don't apply?
Tom, ohhh my brother, that was good.
Dear Speaker McCarthy, despite the support of my loving wife Esperanza and my husband Preston, also loving, I must tender my resignation as a member of Congress. It seems Mr Speaker that you and I will not realize our dream of working together to invent the internets. I feel I must join the Trump Brigade fighting in the Ukraine for the freedom of all Russian peoples. Since the disastrous fall of the ruble, Elon and I have seen our business falter and our hopes of purchasing Greenland dashed. I feel the only way to earn my way back to Davos is to begin rebuilding Kyiv as the city of Manafort, Capitol of Greater South Russia. Farewell and in the words of Madison Cawthorn, “Thanks for the cocaine!”
Sincerely and truthfully,
George.
Will you be my new best friend?
Das Vedanya Comrade
and Спасибо... YUUUUGE Спасибо
As a lying, liar who lies, I cannot string lie after lie in this job like I could in the good old days when I just wanted votes. I must break free and resign, so I can once again follow my passion for making stuff up. I know you'll miss me. Good thing I have photos of each of you and our special times together. Don't ever forget that....I mean me.
P.S. I have a new job lined up as a photoshop expert.
Ha and ha again.
So he found out that being on a committee means you you have to show up occasionally, and it was cutting into his grifting time?
Most likely. And a U.S. representative without committees is just a human-sized paperweight. Who grifts.
That didn’t seem to bother Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Green
From ChatGPT:
Dear administration,
First and foremost, I want to apologize for the way I have handled the situation with the Mongoose. I admit that my anger got the better of me and I did not handle the situation in the best way possible. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and that was not fair to anyone, especially the Mongoose.
However, I cannot continue working under these conditions. I have been working here for too long and I deserve better.
I laughed at this, too.
To whom it may concern,
I know you are but what am I?
George Tirebiter Santos
Fabulous.
Dear and glorious constituents and colleagues,
I had hoped to be among you for more than thirty-three years-- unlike the ascetics, I really do love the bread, the wine, the grain, the fish-- but I feel sure your understand that given the crucifixion I am suffering, it is time for me to rise.
Pope Francis asked me to succeed him, but I feel that popping cannot give enough scope for my talents. I will therefore engage fully with the apotheosis that has been gathering within me and soon will shine forth to an entire needy world.
I know how you will miss my fleshly presence-- the feasting, the teaching-- but be comforted: I leave with you the Paraclete Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Blessings but peace is for sissies,
George
Oh! Perfection!
I always suspected he was the 5th Beatle
Perfect.