I'm 70, did not grow up with brothers, and permitted far too many liberties when I was a youngling at my first job. I think I tried to complain once, but there was really no basis in company policy for handling such complaints.
These days, most or all private companies have policies in place to handle this sort of thing. I bet even New York State government has some policies in place, but Cuomo was being protected by his staff and friends. It's a shame, because he handled the pandemic well, and his daily briefings gave me a lot of comfort in the dark months of last year. But the harassment started long before the pandemic. It has to stop, and the only way to do that is if he leaves office. In the Olden Days, the women would have had to leave, but that was then, and this is now.
I feel the same way. Cuomo’s daily briefings got me through many a dark and lonely day but no. Just no. And his refusal to step down is telling, to me.
Ditto!! And you are absolutely right on with so many points: 1) “his daily briefings and the comfort they gave me as well,” 2)”he was/is protected by staff and friends,” speaking truth to power is hard to do. But it seems that ‘power’ actually listening doesn’t seem to happen often enough. and obviously if it was spoken in this case he wasn’t/isn’t listening.
However, you go women to those who have spoken and been heard! That that takes such strength and courage! Thank you!
The first time I was touched was by a fake relative. I was 10. I cried. In college my professional told me if I wanted to pass my course I’d have to meet him “at the motel down the street.” Complaining to a fellow student. He did the same to her. We reported him to the school.
At my first job at The Herald. I was freelancing taking photos of/reviewing concerts. When I was told by a staff member (later I found out he was an alcoholic) that I had no talent in writing. I believed him. I stopped writing. When I was 40, I started again.
Leslie, your post makes me cry. Thank you for having the courage to come back from those experiences, for calling out the fake professor, and for overcoming the toxic judgement by the Herald crab who wanted everyone else to stay in the bucket; I hope you'll continue to write (and let us know where we can read more than these truths.)
And contrary to the Narrator's well-informed opinion, it's been my great privilege to talk and work with Ms. Cambell and her SO, and while I think her post was just the facts, ma'am, she is in fact that nice. Maybe nicer.
Having a daughter changed me for the better....it opened my eyes and mind and made me think of what would I do if I were in her shoes....thanks for the column we still have a long way to go for true equality
Yah, that woman is suffering from internalized misogyny. As many of us are. What a waste of economic productivity and life energy to have to deal with this crap. Good post.
We had a long conversation about this issue yesterday - a 65-year-old woman, a 61-year-old man and our 23-year-old son - and what I found most interesting was that the guys had no tolerance for the behavior Governor Cuomo is accused of, while the lone woman brought up Trump and Biden and Franken and Clinton and any number of other accused men, asking why the Governor whose leadership we’d relied on over the last eighteen months wasn’t considered innocent until proven guilty.
In fairness, our son and I had been watching the news when NY AG James made the announcement, while my wife only got bits and pieces from social media. But I wonder if our generation - enlightened from our youth by “Are You There, God?” and “Our Bodies, Ourselves” and Betty Friedan, and raised by that Greatest Generation whose challenges had broken so many barriers - aren’t still par-boiled frogs, inured to a certain degree of sexist behavior by the too-slow change in equity.
Reading the stories of the first women in FDNY was illuminating; my personal experience with female firefighters was no different than with their male counterparts, despite their small numbers: one had the heart of a Lion, and I’d have chosen her at any incident and preferred over most of her peers, the other not so much.
I have spent my adulthood unlearning a lot of the lessons I learned as a girl. I know I am not alone in this and I know I am joined by men, women, everyone.
I wish I thought that "primer" clearer in its wording, and I wish that it incorporated examples (and probably analogous non-harassing counterexamples).
As a college professor, I am required to take training on how to spit this AND how to avoid it. I rolled my eyes the first training but I actually learned a lot, particularly about my role as an academic advisor, should a student come to me with such a complaint. It’s sad that I didn’t just know this. Now I do.
You said it! What a waste of mental energy! Great post!
Some things are better, but we have a long way to go.
Back in the day, when older men enjoyed belittling women, I delighted in showing them up. I'd put myself in traditionally male dominated places - sportswise, school (math/science/engineering), and my early career, then do better than all or most of them. If a guy wanted to play catch, I'd throw it hard (I had the best arm in the school among the girls - always won competitions). If it stung to catch it, I was happy. If we were playing tennis, I'd beat them. If I was golfing and a bunch of older guys looked like they didn't want to be held up by "a bunch of women", I'd knock it out there as far as they'd hit it, maybe farther. I didn't let male coworkers outshine or take over when I was doing my job. I think that was me being mad at the guys who treated us as less than and mad at the world telling women what they could and could not do. Why that fight & drive diminished later is another story. However, whatever we went thru shouldn't have been, and shouldn't be. We all should have eyes on our daughters and granddaughters and commit to making things better for them. I don't understand the woman who felt if she suffered, others should suffer, too. We need zero tolerance on sexual harassment, among other things. There are systemic issues that need addressing, too, but that's another topic. That A Cuomo is governor after all he did speaks volumes on where we are. (And he's just one of many.) We still have a lot of work to do.
All this has caused me to remember “A Male Guide to Women’s Liberation”, a book I read when I was eighteen. It was written by author/journalist Gene Marine. It made a big impression on me. I don’t have the book anymore so I had to search to refresh my memory, wondering if it would seem dated at this point. I found a 1973 NYT review of the book written by Claudia Dreifus. In the review two ,somewhat paraphrased, quotes from the book stood out. They don’t speak directly to sexual harassment but I think, at least in part, to the foundation it’s built on.
In asking men to give up their “prison of privilege” Marine writes, “You are, in fact, a frightened little boy…and just like some women have to learn not to be Daddy’s little girl all their lives, so are we going to learn to quit trying to cover up our hidden whimper in a Superman suit”.
“To see women as persons will almost certainly bring with it the ability to see men as persons.”
I’m particularly struck by “prison of privilege” and wonder what might move someone like Cuomo to realize he’s his own jail keeper and stop denying the truth about his behavior. If that sounds the least bit sympathetic, believe me it’s not.
Now I’m going to have to re-read the book and see what it does for me 49 years later.
I just turned 60 and have memories of a hug and quick kiss that ended with the added "goodness" of tongue. I was good with the hug and the kiss, but not the tongue. Ironically enough, that happened in the public defender's office at the GA in New Haven, and the perp was an attorney. There were a few other instances that I just brushed off. Outside of the office and when I was 11 years old, I witnessed a man standing in a window across the way (hotel in Rome) watching me while masturbating. (I was in the window seat of our hotel room reading.) I didn't know what he was doing, but my adult self, when remembering it, certainly does.
I'm 70, did not grow up with brothers, and permitted far too many liberties when I was a youngling at my first job. I think I tried to complain once, but there was really no basis in company policy for handling such complaints.
These days, most or all private companies have policies in place to handle this sort of thing. I bet even New York State government has some policies in place, but Cuomo was being protected by his staff and friends. It's a shame, because he handled the pandemic well, and his daily briefings gave me a lot of comfort in the dark months of last year. But the harassment started long before the pandemic. It has to stop, and the only way to do that is if he leaves office. In the Olden Days, the women would have had to leave, but that was then, and this is now.
I feel the same way. Cuomo’s daily briefings got me through many a dark and lonely day but no. Just no. And his refusal to step down is telling, to me.
Yes. I agree. His refusal to step down and his recorded “spin” response is disappointingly telling as well.
Ditto!! And you are absolutely right on with so many points: 1) “his daily briefings and the comfort they gave me as well,” 2)”he was/is protected by staff and friends,” speaking truth to power is hard to do. But it seems that ‘power’ actually listening doesn’t seem to happen often enough. and obviously if it was spoken in this case he wasn’t/isn’t listening.
However, you go women to those who have spoken and been heard! That that takes such strength and courage! Thank you!
The first time I was touched was by a fake relative. I was 10. I cried. In college my professional told me if I wanted to pass my course I’d have to meet him “at the motel down the street.” Complaining to a fellow student. He did the same to her. We reported him to the school.
At my first job at The Herald. I was freelancing taking photos of/reviewing concerts. When I was told by a staff member (later I found out he was an alcoholic) that I had no talent in writing. I believed him. I stopped writing. When I was 40, I started again.
Goddammit. You are a beautiful person and rock ON for turning in the pervert teacher.
Thank you. That’s very nice of you to say that.
(NARRATOR: She's not that nice.)
Leslie, your post makes me cry. Thank you for having the courage to come back from those experiences, for calling out the fake professor, and for overcoming the toxic judgement by the Herald crab who wanted everyone else to stay in the bucket; I hope you'll continue to write (and let us know where we can read more than these truths.)
And contrary to the Narrator's well-informed opinion, it's been my great privilege to talk and work with Ms. Cambell and her SO, and while I think her post was just the facts, ma'am, she is in fact that nice. Maybe nicer.
Hi. I write a blog-www.lesliefjacobs.com
And, I make fun of Republicans with @Funnyleslie1
Or organizing @lesismore12
Plus if you go to Amazon and type in
Survival in the Unemployment Line . My book I wrote in 2011.
Yay!!!
Having a daughter changed me for the better....it opened my eyes and mind and made me think of what would I do if I were in her shoes....thanks for the column we still have a long way to go for true equality
Amen.
Yah, that woman is suffering from internalized misogyny. As many of us are. What a waste of economic productivity and life energy to have to deal with this crap. Good post.
When I think back on the mental energy I spent when this would happen to me, I get mad.
We had a long conversation about this issue yesterday - a 65-year-old woman, a 61-year-old man and our 23-year-old son - and what I found most interesting was that the guys had no tolerance for the behavior Governor Cuomo is accused of, while the lone woman brought up Trump and Biden and Franken and Clinton and any number of other accused men, asking why the Governor whose leadership we’d relied on over the last eighteen months wasn’t considered innocent until proven guilty.
In fairness, our son and I had been watching the news when NY AG James made the announcement, while my wife only got bits and pieces from social media. But I wonder if our generation - enlightened from our youth by “Are You There, God?” and “Our Bodies, Ourselves” and Betty Friedan, and raised by that Greatest Generation whose challenges had broken so many barriers - aren’t still par-boiled frogs, inured to a certain degree of sexist behavior by the too-slow change in equity.
Reading the stories of the first women in FDNY was illuminating; my personal experience with female firefighters was no different than with their male counterparts, despite their small numbers: one had the heart of a Lion, and I’d have chosen her at any incident and preferred over most of her peers, the other not so much.
https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/ny-cecilia-cox-firefighter-obit-20191111-lacd2xc2vjgyjcsldhwm3e6xr4-story.html
I have spent my adulthood unlearning a lot of the lessons I learned as a girl. I know I am not alone in this and I know I am joined by men, women, everyone.
I wish I thought that "primer" clearer in its wording, and I wish that it incorporated examples (and probably analogous non-harassing counterexamples).
As a college professor, I am required to take training on how to spit this AND how to avoid it. I rolled my eyes the first training but I actually learned a lot, particularly about my role as an academic advisor, should a student come to me with such a complaint. It’s sad that I didn’t just know this. Now I do.
You said it! What a waste of mental energy! Great post!
Some things are better, but we have a long way to go.
Back in the day, when older men enjoyed belittling women, I delighted in showing them up. I'd put myself in traditionally male dominated places - sportswise, school (math/science/engineering), and my early career, then do better than all or most of them. If a guy wanted to play catch, I'd throw it hard (I had the best arm in the school among the girls - always won competitions). If it stung to catch it, I was happy. If we were playing tennis, I'd beat them. If I was golfing and a bunch of older guys looked like they didn't want to be held up by "a bunch of women", I'd knock it out there as far as they'd hit it, maybe farther. I didn't let male coworkers outshine or take over when I was doing my job. I think that was me being mad at the guys who treated us as less than and mad at the world telling women what they could and could not do. Why that fight & drive diminished later is another story. However, whatever we went thru shouldn't have been, and shouldn't be. We all should have eyes on our daughters and granddaughters and commit to making things better for them. I don't understand the woman who felt if she suffered, others should suffer, too. We need zero tolerance on sexual harassment, among other things. There are systemic issues that need addressing, too, but that's another topic. That A Cuomo is governor after all he did speaks volumes on where we are. (And he's just one of many.) We still have a lot of work to do.
All this has caused me to remember “A Male Guide to Women’s Liberation”, a book I read when I was eighteen. It was written by author/journalist Gene Marine. It made a big impression on me. I don’t have the book anymore so I had to search to refresh my memory, wondering if it would seem dated at this point. I found a 1973 NYT review of the book written by Claudia Dreifus. In the review two ,somewhat paraphrased, quotes from the book stood out. They don’t speak directly to sexual harassment but I think, at least in part, to the foundation it’s built on.
In asking men to give up their “prison of privilege” Marine writes, “You are, in fact, a frightened little boy…and just like some women have to learn not to be Daddy’s little girl all their lives, so are we going to learn to quit trying to cover up our hidden whimper in a Superman suit”.
“To see women as persons will almost certainly bring with it the ability to see men as persons.”
I’m particularly struck by “prison of privilege” and wonder what might move someone like Cuomo to realize he’s his own jail keeper and stop denying the truth about his behavior. If that sounds the least bit sympathetic, believe me it’s not.
Now I’m going to have to re-read the book and see what it does for me 49 years later.
Now I want to read that book, too.
To me, the issue is simple. Before Andy digs himself too much deeper, he needs to resign. NOW.
I just turned 60 and have memories of a hug and quick kiss that ended with the added "goodness" of tongue. I was good with the hug and the kiss, but not the tongue. Ironically enough, that happened in the public defender's office at the GA in New Haven, and the perp was an attorney. There were a few other instances that I just brushed off. Outside of the office and when I was 11 years old, I witnessed a man standing in a window across the way (hotel in Rome) watching me while masturbating. (I was in the window seat of our hotel room reading.) I didn't know what he was doing, but my adult self, when remembering it, certainly does.