We ALL have a long way to go in different ways. Isn't that what life is about? Trying to keep looking inside to highlight the places to improve and trying to? Sometimes we still screw up, and we learn. It is so helpful that you open your private door to welcome us in to see where are, quite simplyy, as human as all of us, just trying to be better as you grow, and regretting your screw ups. We already celebrate your strengths. Ok. I can't be nice this long without a price.
Susan, being human means we learn from our failures, successes, shortcomings, and missteps. You've done more good in the 30+ years I've been reading your columns than you may ever know. As others in this space have said, you've learned. You've grown. Would that the middle school practitioners of cruel anti-Semitic taunts toward me had done the same.
Would that we all could grow and learn from our mistakes. Life is a perpetual work in progress, and those who know that fact and continually work to get better are the true winners. Thank you for sharing your story, Susan, and for making us all think about how we can become better people.
Teachers currently say, bullying is the biggest safety concern in their schools (school shootings was not the top concern). Bullying was a problem when we were all growing up and it continues to be a problem now. Your story of what bullying (you called it a hate crime) can look like and what can happen at the extreme end if bullying if left unchecked, along with your self reflection, acknowlement and change, could be helpful instruction for school kids. Your personal stories that unashamedly admit faults and then focus on correcting oneself are so helpful. I wish more people were like you that way. We all could benefit from it. Thanks for sharing this.
This is what happens when you admit to your past errors, humbly work on addressing them, and genuinely move toward a more compassionate approach: you are met with compassion and love back. It's not a scary thing to do, despite what those who prefer to double down and defend their bad behavior believe. One of my pet peeves is when someone is caught doing something they shouldn't have done and then are coerced into an apology, but have skipped over admission of their wrongs and have not made any effort to change their ways.
My "introduction" to you were those newspaper pieces you discuss. You did good, grasshopper! People learn and grow. You did just that. Growing up, I don't recall any type of discussion re gay folk. I had a close friend in high school that came out to me while he was in college (1982 - I can still picture me in the bathroom reading the letter - he sometimes would mirror write.) He said he hoped it wouldn't affect our relationship. After reading that (he lived out of state), it never even occurred to me that his sexuality would affect our relationship. And if it did, what would that say about me as a person? (FYI... said friend is a judge, married with 3 children that they fostered and subsequently adopted.) That being said, I used to say inappropriate tropes in a joking manner. I used to make cracks about people's bodies (clothing is another matter). I don't do that stuff anymore. Learn and grow... learn and grow.
thank you for sharing Susan, you are a woman of deep convictions and honest caring . You worked this through so you truly know what you believe, you are stronger for it. I have nothing but the deepest respect for you.
I get this feeling you are not fond of being compared to either an angels/martyrs or devils/baddies exclusive to each other. Is it possible to be cultured without the cloak? I think too much, ugh.
I am not sure it's inspiring to participate in something like this in the first place. Yes, life is growth but I sometimes feel like I have so many areas in which to grow, and I will run out of time before I'm done.
And I guess I want to insert here that I've made this about myself. I cannot write about the targets of our idiocy. I never learned their names or saw their faces.
Is this existential angst? I don’t think so, and I wonder why that thought has taken your attention. When will you know when to stop growing or when you are fully grown? Honest question, for true, Susan.
I am sharing this past mistake with the hope that others who've made similar ones might examine themselves. That's pretty much it. I'm not deep enough to have existential angst.
First, not deep enough, really? Denying that is doing yourself a disservice. Besides existential angst isn’t dependent on your depth, it’s a hole you fall into and have to crawl out of. I suspect you went there a long time ago. Maybe not being “entirely comfortable” with your actions was a seed. Maybe you blocked it out. Maybe it was how you decided to use your words. It has been my constant companion for years, making peace with it has been part of my journey. I think part of all of our journey’s whether we’re fully conscious of it or not. It’s like the ultimate road trip.
And B: For too many people the switch that helps us distinguish between our intent and our impact never flips. Yours flipped a long time ago.
I do see your point, though sigh and hum [my thinking sound]. Classy as in quiet, or classy as in cultured? Lol, but these are loaded words, I guess, words loaded with imposed, inherited, self-imposed or freely created meaning. I have to admit that for me words aren’t seemingly like bits and/or pieces or tiny memes connected by bland words in neat sentences! Am I alone in thinking that even journalism is as much art as it is skill, personality as much as objectivity? Take it. To the streets!
This article reminds me of some of the same offenses I made as a very young person and even as a teenager, when I certainly should have known better. I will blame some of my guilt on my ignorance and some of my guilt on the times in which I grew up. The 50s & 60s. Had I known how offensive my words were, I know I would not have said them. I grew up with parents who certainly would have smacked me down verbally if they had heard me. Probably. These things were simply not discussed. Anywhere. It was as I grew up and started paying attention to the world around me that I started to understand the unfairness of life for so many, especially people of different races. I regret, to this day, my ignorance and my lack of understanding. I think of these times often and know there is nothing I can do about it now. So today I try to live my differently and better. I work daily to make my life an atonement for those transgressions. Would that the rest of the world do the same. Thank you for this column. I love you for it.
An old proverb: “A wise man changes his mind; a fool never will.” So you made a mistake in your youth. You are older and wiser now. I can only hope some of the yahoos so full of disrespect or hatred for people in the LBGTQ will get wiser.
That's the hope, isn't it? We've all done stupid things and sometimes hurtful things and sometimes inexcusable things. If we aren't learning from all that nonsense, then we just keep doing those things and look where it gets us.
Susan you never cease to amaze me ... thank you for making this world a better place
Wow. Well, I wish like hell I didn’t have so far to go.
We ALL have a long way to go in different ways. Isn't that what life is about? Trying to keep looking inside to highlight the places to improve and trying to? Sometimes we still screw up, and we learn. It is so helpful that you open your private door to welcome us in to see where are, quite simplyy, as human as all of us, just trying to be better as you grow, and regretting your screw ups. We already celebrate your strengths. Ok. I can't be nice this long without a price.
Ha. Thank you.
Susan, being human means we learn from our failures, successes, shortcomings, and missteps. You've done more good in the 30+ years I've been reading your columns than you may ever know. As others in this space have said, you've learned. You've grown. Would that the middle school practitioners of cruel anti-Semitic taunts toward me had done the same.
I am so sorry you were the target of that kind of hate. Just so very sorry. I hope they learned, too. I really do.
I wish I could say I’m over it, but the growth of hate in the era of TFG-ism has been exponential and frightening.
It certainly hasn't receded with a new president. This particular box, when it was kicked open, has let the bats loose.
We just watched an old movie, “Bat!” Vincent Price!
Would that we all could grow and learn from our mistakes. Life is a perpetual work in progress, and those who know that fact and continually work to get better are the true winners. Thank you for sharing your story, Susan, and for making us all think about how we can become better people.
You are such a great guide.
Teachers currently say, bullying is the biggest safety concern in their schools (school shootings was not the top concern). Bullying was a problem when we were all growing up and it continues to be a problem now. Your story of what bullying (you called it a hate crime) can look like and what can happen at the extreme end if bullying if left unchecked, along with your self reflection, acknowlement and change, could be helpful instruction for school kids. Your personal stories that unashamedly admit faults and then focus on correcting oneself are so helpful. I wish more people were like you that way. We all could benefit from it. Thanks for sharing this.
I love you.
And I love you.
This is what happens when you admit to your past errors, humbly work on addressing them, and genuinely move toward a more compassionate approach: you are met with compassion and love back. It's not a scary thing to do, despite what those who prefer to double down and defend their bad behavior believe. One of my pet peeves is when someone is caught doing something they shouldn't have done and then are coerced into an apology, but have skipped over admission of their wrongs and have not made any effort to change their ways.
The non-apology apology? Yeah.
My "introduction" to you were those newspaper pieces you discuss. You did good, grasshopper! People learn and grow. You did just that. Growing up, I don't recall any type of discussion re gay folk. I had a close friend in high school that came out to me while he was in college (1982 - I can still picture me in the bathroom reading the letter - he sometimes would mirror write.) He said he hoped it wouldn't affect our relationship. After reading that (he lived out of state), it never even occurred to me that his sexuality would affect our relationship. And if it did, what would that say about me as a person? (FYI... said friend is a judge, married with 3 children that they fostered and subsequently adopted.) That being said, I used to say inappropriate tropes in a joking manner. I used to make cracks about people's bodies (clothing is another matter). I don't do that stuff anymore. Learn and grow... learn and grow.
This is, in my mind anyway, your best piece here on your stack. Your candidness qualifies you for participating in the “good egg club.”
Everyone? Thank you for your responses. I appreciate them more than you know.
You bet.
thank you for sharing Susan, you are a woman of deep convictions and honest caring . You worked this through so you truly know what you believe, you are stronger for it. I have nothing but the deepest respect for you.
Well, that means a lot and thank you.
I get this feeling you are not fond of being compared to either an angels/martyrs or devils/baddies exclusive to each other. Is it possible to be cultured without the cloak? I think too much, ugh.
Thank you for sharing this, Susan. You're an inspiration!
I am not sure it's inspiring to participate in something like this in the first place. Yes, life is growth but I sometimes feel like I have so many areas in which to grow, and I will run out of time before I'm done.
And I guess I want to insert here that I've made this about myself. I cannot write about the targets of our idiocy. I never learned their names or saw their faces.
Is this existential angst? I don’t think so, and I wonder why that thought has taken your attention. When will you know when to stop growing or when you are fully grown? Honest question, for true, Susan.
I am sharing this past mistake with the hope that others who've made similar ones might examine themselves. That's pretty much it. I'm not deep enough to have existential angst.
A couple of things.
First, not deep enough, really? Denying that is doing yourself a disservice. Besides existential angst isn’t dependent on your depth, it’s a hole you fall into and have to crawl out of. I suspect you went there a long time ago. Maybe not being “entirely comfortable” with your actions was a seed. Maybe you blocked it out. Maybe it was how you decided to use your words. It has been my constant companion for years, making peace with it has been part of my journey. I think part of all of our journey’s whether we’re fully conscious of it or not. It’s like the ultimate road trip.
And B: For too many people the switch that helps us distinguish between our intent and our impact never flips. Yours flipped a long time ago.
This is a thought-provoking comment and thank you for it.
I understand!
Reminds me of communion
Today IS your better day, Susan.
Well, working on it. I so admire people who are classy when they're young, and not so hungry to be liked that they'll do something hurtful to others.
I do see your point, though sigh and hum [my thinking sound]. Classy as in quiet, or classy as in cultured? Lol, but these are loaded words, I guess, words loaded with imposed, inherited, self-imposed or freely created meaning. I have to admit that for me words aren’t seemingly like bits and/or pieces or tiny memes connected by bland words in neat sentences! Am I alone in thinking that even journalism is as much art as it is skill, personality as much as objectivity? Take it. To the streets!
This article reminds me of some of the same offenses I made as a very young person and even as a teenager, when I certainly should have known better. I will blame some of my guilt on my ignorance and some of my guilt on the times in which I grew up. The 50s & 60s. Had I known how offensive my words were, I know I would not have said them. I grew up with parents who certainly would have smacked me down verbally if they had heard me. Probably. These things were simply not discussed. Anywhere. It was as I grew up and started paying attention to the world around me that I started to understand the unfairness of life for so many, especially people of different races. I regret, to this day, my ignorance and my lack of understanding. I think of these times often and know there is nothing I can do about it now. So today I try to live my differently and better. I work daily to make my life an atonement for those transgressions. Would that the rest of the world do the same. Thank you for this column. I love you for it.
And I love you for this comment, and so much more.
Respect
An old proverb: “A wise man changes his mind; a fool never will.” So you made a mistake in your youth. You are older and wiser now. I can only hope some of the yahoos so full of disrespect or hatred for people in the LBGTQ will get wiser.
That's the hope, isn't it? We've all done stupid things and sometimes hurtful things and sometimes inexcusable things. If we aren't learning from all that nonsense, then we just keep doing those things and look where it gets us.
I will never understand why repentance is so unpopular. It's so *good*.
Thank you for this public example.
And my God, how badly we were brought up. And Thank God we get to repent and work to do better and to understand better.
I was thinking today I probably shouldn’t pat myself on the back about the stellar job I did as a parent. I mean, I tried.
Like hockey, like life, parenting is a game of mistakes. What matters is how you keep moving forward. :)
Agreed