Accepting blame where it's due
Good Monday to you.
Dr. Eric Feigl-Ding, an epidemiologist and senior fellow at Federation of American Scientists, a think tank founded by scientists who worked on the Manhattan Project, left the flag in the top photo in D.C.’s massive installation of 700,000+ white flags on the National Mall. Each flag marks the loss of someone who died by COVID in this country.
My heart breaks for Dr. Feigl-Ding because I don’t think, as an epidemiologist, he could have spoken any louder, or convinced leaders to move any more quickly. I don’t think he owes any one an apology — at least, no more of an apology than the rest of us owe each other, and owe our children. I think it is graciousness personified that Dr. Feigl-Ding takes it upon himself to apologize to families who have lost someone by COVID. If he feels the need to apologize, then so do I.
I’m sorry I didn’t raise my voice louder in relation to pandemic protocols. Or, if I raised my voice loud enough, I’m sorry I didn’t find the right words to use to convince the nay-sayers that this virus was barreling straight for us, and they should take heed. (Conversely — and this may warrant another apology down the road — I am not sorry for how I speak to people who continue to argue that the virus is simply a bad cold, or that it’s a hoax. ( have nothing but disdain for them, and at present, that disdain does not keep me up at night.) (Perhaps you can see the irony here. Sorry-not-sorry.)
More to the point, I believe heartfelt apologies should come from political leaders who stalled and lied about the virus, and who made anti-science ignorance something of which to be proud. I believe those leaders’ apologies should be accompanied by apologies from media personalities who lied and continue to lie about the science behind treatment and prevention of COVID. I’m waiting for an apology from the leaders of certain health care networks who are making money off of fake and dangerous “treatments” of the virus. And I’d like to hear an “I’m sorry” from celebrities who floated and float dangerous and damaging conspiracies that helped deliver us 700,000+ meaningless deaths.
I do not expect those apologies any time soon.
A true apology is based on personal responsibility, and neither blame nor shame. It has incredible potential to heal both the person giving it and the person who may or may not elect to receive it (their call). I’ll wait with you. Meanwhile, I need to write a book on apologizing.
Most apologies are insincere. They are motivated by getting caught or found out or fearing losing something as a result of your actions. They are more often transactional versus being a moral correction. If the person who apologizes has value, the apology has value. Most of the people you suggest owe apologies don’t fall into that group and probably never will. Not expecting their apologies anytime soon, if ever, is a smart move.
Don’t be surprised if we hear something like “Apologize, why should I apologize? You can’t blame me for people believing my lies!”