Because religion

Thousands of unbaptized babies are running loose in Phoenix

Over his decades-long career as a priest, the Rev. Andres Arango, of Phoenix, has baptized thousands of babies into the Roman Catholic Church, but his diocese has determined that he used one wrong word during the sacrament, and so none of those baptisms count.

During each baptism, according to the Washington Post, the priest, who has since resigned, would say:

“We baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,” Arango, a priest in the Diocese of Phoenix, repeated during myriad ceremonies.

But Arango misused one word that eventually compromised the validity of all of those rituals: Instead of saying “I baptize you,” he used the word “we…”

Evidently, this is more than a little oopsie-doodle. From the diocese (emphasis mine):

It may seem legalistic, but the words that are spoken (the sacramental form), along with the actions that are performed and the materials used (the sacramental matter) are a crucial aspect of every sacrament. If you change the words, actions, or materials required in any of the sacraments, they are not valid. For example, if a priest uses milk instead of wine during the Consecration of the Eucharist, the sacrament is not valid. The milk would not become the Blood of Jesus Christ.

It is important to note that, while God instituted the sacraments for us, He is not bound by them.  Though they are our surest access to grace, God can grant His grace in ways known only to Him. According to St. Thomas Aquinas, God has bound Himself to the sacraments, but He is not bound by the sacraments. This means that while we can be certain that God always works through the sacraments when they are properly conferred by the minister, God is not bound by the sacraments in that He can and does extend His grace in whatever measure and manner He wills. We can be assured that all who approached God, our Father, in good faith to receive the sacraments did not walk away empty-handed.

There is not much more to be said about this, save for the following, from a wag on Twitter:

Or maybe it’s Joseph Heller’s “Catch-22” writ large?

Who am I to smirk? As a pre-teen, I was immersed in my baptism — it’s a peculiar Protestant thing — but an air bubble floated up in the baptismal gown I was wearing and even though I was underwater, my robe was not. So I argued with myself that that floating air bubble meant I hadn’t been literally buried with Christ. So I went back and got baptized again. Sadly, I understand completely the precision of this stuff.

But this brand of (catholic) fundamentalism goes deeper. For certain Phoenix Catholics, this all means another baptism — and perhaps revisiting subsequent sacraments (confirmation/marriage), as that first important one didn’t take. Yikes.