The male resistance routines are strong and so habituated that they are Outraged, Outraged, I tell you, to have them called out.
And at a public discourse level, that a great deal of work is almost entirely institutionally unpaid, and that nearly all of that is assigned to women, is swiftly brushed off with a scoffing, But Surely Of Course. It is the Reparations Debate of the household and the nation. "Well, it would cost far too much, so we'll just keep screwing you."
Precisely. I have seen, in academia, a multitude of tasks requested of non-tenure-track women, most of whom have been socialized to say yes, of course, I'll help with that committee, of course I'll do whatever I can until they work themselves into an early grave. I know that's not just academia, either. So this extends far beyond home.
Yep. Last night I was trying to get my husband to remember how typically men eat women spouses alive, how rarely serious thinkers / theoreticians have partners who understand WTF *that* is, as an activity. Because he's an electrical engineer at the theory end, at one of those rare engineering firms that specializes in that sort of thinking, and because he does some recruiting and a lot of nurture of interns.
He didn't take it particularly well, feeling, I think, called ut by it, as well he might.
It is so very ingrained. Of COURSE the mother will stay home with the children. Of COURSE there's such a thing as women's work -- only nope. There isn't.
Dr. King: " Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed."
(I notice he did not say "demanded in a quiet, melodious voice, inflection rising at the ends of sentences, vocabulary moderated to ensure the oppressor is not threatened or made uncomfortable, accompanied by a smile and acquiescence if the oppressor continues to oppress.")
I worked in a male-dominated field for most of my life, and I can't tell you how many times I heard a man say, "I have to babysit tonight," when he was talking about his own children.
C. 2000 I was at a gathering of young engineers and programmers, male and female, talking about all the amenities their company offered on their campuses. "Yes," I said, "they'll do almost anything to keep you at the office except offer daycare there."
They were all Outraged and clamored to explain why Of Course that COULDN'T SHOULDN'T be offered. (I can't remember their arguments, except that they struck me a gibberish. I was impressed by their emotionality.)
I could not afford to pay for the awesome work my wife has done and continues to do. While I do my share, a mother's work is deeper, more emotional and significant. My reply is one small way of paying homage to my life partner of 43+ years....THANK YOU Joanie!
That's a partnership. We mostly split meal duties (it's just the two of us now). That's after years of me walking into the kitchen only because that was the way outside.
This is my song.
The male resistance routines are strong and so habituated that they are Outraged, Outraged, I tell you, to have them called out.
And at a public discourse level, that a great deal of work is almost entirely institutionally unpaid, and that nearly all of that is assigned to women, is swiftly brushed off with a scoffing, But Surely Of Course. It is the Reparations Debate of the household and the nation. "Well, it would cost far too much, so we'll just keep screwing you."
Pardon me while I spontaneously combust.
Precisely. I have seen, in academia, a multitude of tasks requested of non-tenure-track women, most of whom have been socialized to say yes, of course, I'll help with that committee, of course I'll do whatever I can until they work themselves into an early grave. I know that's not just academia, either. So this extends far beyond home.
Yep. Last night I was trying to get my husband to remember how typically men eat women spouses alive, how rarely serious thinkers / theoreticians have partners who understand WTF *that* is, as an activity. Because he's an electrical engineer at the theory end, at one of those rare engineering firms that specializes in that sort of thinking, and because he does some recruiting and a lot of nurture of interns.
He didn't take it particularly well, feeling, I think, called ut by it, as well he might.
It is so very ingrained. Of COURSE the mother will stay home with the children. Of COURSE there's such a thing as women's work -- only nope. There isn't.
Dr. King: " Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed."
(I notice he did not say "demanded in a quiet, melodious voice, inflection rising at the ends of sentences, vocabulary moderated to ensure the oppressor is not threatened or made uncomfortable, accompanied by a smile and acquiescence if the oppressor continues to oppress.")
Nope. Those smiles don't work. Show your fangs.
I worked in a male-dominated field for most of my life, and I can't tell you how many times I heard a man say, "I have to babysit tonight," when he was talking about his own children.
I believe a tooth should be pulled from the man every time he says that. Babysit? Like he's doing the real parent a solid? Lord.
C. 2000 I was at a gathering of young engineers and programmers, male and female, talking about all the amenities their company offered on their campuses. "Yes," I said, "they'll do almost anything to keep you at the office except offer daycare there."
They were all Outraged and clamored to explain why Of Course that COULDN'T SHOULDN'T be offered. (I can't remember their arguments, except that they struck me a gibberish. I was impressed by their emotionality.)
They were anti-day care?
A bunch of them were married, but none had yet spawned. Nor had I, in fact.
I don't ever remember, pre-spawning, opposing an employee's ability to utilize company-sponsored day care.
There was a similar outcry when Obamacare required that obstetrical care be covered. "I'LL NEVER USE THAT!!" they screamed.
Yeah, and I'll never have a prostate exam. What's your point?
(Well done, you.)
I could not afford to pay for the awesome work my wife has done and continues to do. While I do my share, a mother's work is deeper, more emotional and significant. My reply is one small way of paying homage to my life partner of 43+ years....THANK YOU Joanie!
That's a partnership. We mostly split meal duties (it's just the two of us now). That's after years of me walking into the kitchen only because that was the way outside.