Things I would rather do than listen to Trump's not-State of the Union speech

Feel free to add your own alternative activities in the comments.

Rather than listen to the First Felon’s address to Congress on March 4 (which isn’t technically a “State of the Union” address), I would rather:

• Scoop out my eyes with a rusty spoon and

• Eat them

• Roll around in thorns and then

• Bathe in rubbing alcohol

Part of that is I simply cannot sit and listen to Uncle Pull-My-Finger when his words will be compared to the likes of:

“The fiery trial through which we pass will light us down in honor or dishonor to the latest generation. … In giving freedom to the slave we assure freedom to the free—honorable alike in what we give and what we preserve. We shall nobly save or meanly lose the last best hope of earth. Other means may succeed; this could not fail. The way is plain, peaceful, generous, just—a way which if followed the world will forever applaud and God must forever bless.” - Abraham Lincoln, Dec. 1, 1862

and

“In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms. The first is freedom of speech and expression—everywhere in the world. The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way—everywhere in the world. The third is freedom from want—which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants-everywhere in the world. The fourth is freedom from fear—which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor—anywhere in the world.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jan. 6, 1941

and

"I must say to you that the state of the union is not good.” - Gerald Ford, June 15, 1975

If Trump had an honest bone in his body…well, I cannot finish that sentence when you start with a ridiculous notion. So never mind.