Look at me! Lo0OK at me!

I filed a lawsuit and my name is Andrew Bailey.

God’s own disappointment, Andrew Bailey

Missouri’s (and yes, my home state shows up in the news far too often with this kind of thing) super-scandal-laden, lawsuit-happy AG Andrew Bailey has filed a lawsuit against Starbucks because, according to Bailey’s website:

Starbucks has blatantly violated the law by linking its compensation to racial and gender quotas. Additionally, the company discriminates based on race and gender when it comes to board membership.

And then Bailey lands the idiot plane with:

With Starbucks’ discriminatory patterns, practices, and policies, Missouri’s consumers are required to pay higher prices and wait longer for goods and services that could be provided for less had Starbucks employed the most qualified workers, regardless of their race, color, sex, or national origin.

Let me help here. Andrew Bailey is tired of paying high prices for his coffee that he has to wait in line for and this wouldn’t happen, according to him, if Starbucks hired more white qualified people. Though this is news to me, evidently Missouri’s hills are studded with disappointed white folks who want more than anything to work at Starbucks but they cannot because racism.

Here’s the bullshit lawsuit and if you take the time to read it, the subtext is that Bailey is puckering up for a First Felon’s ass-kissing. This isn’t jurisprudence. This is a nutless cracker trying to enter the inner circle.

Here are some highlights of the 59 pages of utter horseshit:

Bailey says Starbucks has violated federal and state laws that prohibit discrimination based on race. Among other troublesome precedents, the suit quotes Students for Fair Admissions, Inc. v. Pres. and Fellows of Harvard Coll., which took the fevered ravings of Edward Blum and overturned 45 years of legal precedent because (I’m doing this from memory) some students couldn’t get into college without a lawsuit. (Blum also has battled the Voting Rights Act, so fuck him.)

Bailey then whines that he doesn’t like Starbucks’ recruitment ads, which deliver the radical message that employees will be treated fairly. Then there are pages and pages of boilerplate content from Bailey about Missouri’s interest in being served coffee only by white folks at the state’s 200-some Starbucks locations.

I’m paraphrasing but I’m close.

There is also a lot of poorly written text, which, I have to tell you, even without a law degree I know is sloppy. What, for instance, does this mean:

Since at least 2020, Starbucks has employed, and still employs, hundreds, if not thousands, of Missourians and receives employment applications from hundreds more.

That’s Bailey doing a “many people are saying” in a lawsuit that the people of Missouri are paying for. Missouri farmers who would take it in the teeth if Trump/Musk really does shut down USAID can add this to their list of grievances. (And please understand not everyone in my home state is on board with this.)

Here’s the meat in the lawsuit, meant for the unqualified white job applicant who couldn’t get on at Starbucks and had to settle for the local firecracker stand:

Starbucks’ policies harm the many Missourians whom work, or would like to work, at Starbucks, but have been, are being, or will be discriminated against as future victims on the basis of their race, sex, or inclusion in other protected groups.

Then, while insisting that hiring quotas based on race should be abolished, Bailey breaks down Missouri’s population by race and gender, and guess what? More non-white people who are also female work at Starbucks than live in the Cave State. So it’s not OK for a corporation to offer incentives to diversify their work force if by diversifying that work force doesn’t mirror the public whom they serve.

Again, I’m paraphrasing.

We read on and find that Bailey has a problem with the word “Latinx,” and with the word “self-identified,” because — guessing again here — Bailey wants the final word on telling all us our gender and ethnicity.

This lawsuit also spends an inordinate amount of time worrying over the racial makeup of Starbucks’ leadership. Mostly, this steaming pile reads like an overly-long ill-advised executive order from a whiny baby who wants to eliminate DEI efforts in the federal government. One of the items in Bailey’s steaming pile listed under “prayer for relief” is:

Order Starbucks to provide a remedial notice to all employees wherever located or, in the alternative, all employees at Missouri locations explaining that its affirmative action practices violate Civil Rights Acts of 1866 and 1964 and the MHRA in a form and with content to be approved by the Plaintiff.

Prepare for more of this kind of blatant racism under the guise of jurisprudence. People like Bailey are empowered because Trump/Musk empowered him. This is not now nor was it ever OK.