As your new, self-appointed governor...

(Sometimes, you have to step up when others won’t.)

With Connecticut’s hospital beds filling up and the state’s positivity rate spiking as it hasn’t since the bleakest early days of the pandemic, I hereby appoint myself, Susan L. (for “Luscious”) Campbell as the 90th governor of the Great State of Connecticut.

Having gotten that bit of housekeeping out of the way:

I hereby declare an end to religious (or deeply-held-belief) exemptions to the COVID vaccine. It doesn’t matter if your sorry interpretation of Jesus or the messages sent to you by the lizard in your basement advises against the life-saving vaccine, you will get the life-saving vaccine. If not, and you’re a state employee, I will personally fire you — or, if you work in the private sector, I will impose such a large fine on your boss that it won’t be worth it to keep you around. Want a job? Get the vaccine.

I hereby declare that all children eligible for the shot will get the shot. Parents who resist may form their own fiefdom, where they will be responsible for acquiring their own water, sewage, electricity, cable, and — God forbid — fire extinguishing. If you intend to live in a community, then you must accept the responsibilities of being a part of that community. Get the shot for your kids.

I hereby declare that if you haven’t had the third shot (or the second shot, if you are one of those J&J one-shot wonders), then you are not yet properly vaccinated and you must receive what was once called a “booster” and what we now call “necessary.” What’s the deadline for this? Yesterday. Get the shot.

I hereby declare that if you are outside of your domicile, you must wear a mask and you must wear it properly. Failure to do so will result in yet another fat fine.

Want to whine and protest about this? That is your right. Frankly, we the sane folks of the state are through giving you attention. Let’s kill this virus before it kills us.