And the Oscar goes to...

Me. Because I want one.

Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu took time out of his busy schedule presiding over genocide in Gaza, on Monday, and released a letter in which he nominated the U.S. president for a Nobel Peace Prize, thus sullying forever the Nobels, Israel and letters.

In his missive, Netanyahu said:

“President Trump has demonstrated steadfast and exceptional dedication to promoting peace, security and stability around the world.”

Earlier, Pakistan, too, bent over and helped it up with their own nomination.

The Nobel committee is considering 338 entries and nominations closed in January. So yeah. This is performative and gross to the extreme. Not for nothing, but had Netanyahu actually delivered the letter to the committee in Norway, he could have been arrested based on a warrant issued by the International Criminal Court. And the nominee, himself, is a 34-times convicted felon.

From this awesome Independent analysis by Richard Hall:

In short, being nominated for a peace prize by Benjamin Netanyahu is akin to being nominated for a ‘not breaking the law’ prize by fictional mob boss Tony Soprano.

But sure. Peace.

And you could look at this as a kind of freeing moment. If Donald J. Trump start bleating about a Nobel Peace Prize, then we can all leap over the long line of talented people and ask for whatever-the-hell award we’d like.

Me? I want a gold statue I’ve literally done nothing to deserve. And I want to be on the televised award show hoisting the thing — which weighs roughly the same as a gallon of milk, or an average-sized human head — to thank all the people who made this happen. You will be among those thanked, if not by name, then by spirit. And then I will kiss the pointer and middle fingers of my right hand, raise those fingers to heaven, and look skyward. Thanks, God.